Have Spirit – 38

Thirty – Eight

My life is like Satan ruling heaven. You’ll think, I will like the fact I can live forever and ever with no problem, but that’s so far from the truth.

My whole family believes, I am the problem child and cause of all their problems, issues and whatever. In reality, they need to blame themselves.  If you really think about, the Saxton family is high class white trash with no fear of getting old.

I have live too long to care about anyone else. If you really think about it, I can’t even love anyone else. I have no feelings, no emotion – completely nothing in my soul, as if I am dead inside. Deader then death and Hades, walking around like an empty dead shell, praying for the endless sleep from this world.  I wish I can die.

Who I can blame; the man who knocked out my mother, living in the desert with the nomads, the race I was born into or my grown siblings. I’m a classic case of mental issues that a psychiatrist can only dream about.

Sani is not my real father, but this old medical man nut job is my savior and my god.  Without him, I will be a red-headed white kid who is an outcast in a world who will love to burn me to a crispy.  He was the one who made up the lie; “my appearance was chosen by the spirits to help the tribe to respect the white man”.  Can you believe such a lie? The lie is so stupid, an idiot with half a brain can’t even think about believing it, but when you get a brunch of old wise Indians who are drunk and high, any lie becomes believable. Sani saved my life and I am forever in his debt.

When momma got knock up by that sperm donor of a man, he and she; (meaning Eric and Olyvia) made my momma travel out west without any consideration for momma’s life and the life of his bastard child, who is me. They two nasty disgusting creators; (Eric and Olyvia) wanted momma and me to die on the road or get captured by a lynch mob who will burn the black out of my momma.   If I knew where Eric is resting his soul, I will kill him, but again we can’t die.

Momma said it was a hard trip traveling out west as a Negro runaway slave; my momma can’t pass for white. She is black, like straight from Africa black.  I know it must have been hard for a colored to travel at a distance and have to worry about survival with a cruel nasty man’s baby in your stomach.  The thought of it just hurts my heart that momma was treated so cruel by a man who she was a slave and mistress too.  That white nasty trash family.  It also makes me vomit to know I am the link to that family.

I wish I can condemn them to a fiery hell which they will suffer every single day of their lives, but again, we can’t die.  Damn!

My momma always tells me never to let hate poison my heart, but when I look at them, I want to smash their heads into ground, make them bath in acid and stab them over and over.  With this punishment, I’m just being nice.

My heart and soul is poisoned, they have made me into an outcast and a slave for there enjoyment.  Those bastards are the only ones who have teach me to trust no one.

The only siblings I can rely on are: Earth, Fire, Wind and Water. My other siblings, I can care less about: Simon Peter and his mother Erika, Merlin, Bryan, Elisabeth and Clive.

Did you see something strange? Look at the name of the siblings again. Did you see it? Simon Peter and his mother Erika? Yes, Simon Peter is my brother and Erika is my sister, but Erika is also Simon Peter’s mother. Sick!

Erika can say that she was raped or whatever, but I believe she wanted to have a close father and daughter relationship; which produced an inbred son.

Simon Peter is a complete nut job of a man.  He loves God to the point, he wants to kiss the heavenly father in places only a husband and wife should only think about.  He’s one messed-up kid with a monk type of life.

I have to admit, I love the fact; I can change into anything I desire and dream of.  I have mastered the ability to the point Sani can’t even detect me.  I can be anyone, anything and even my own shadow can’t be detected. I’m like ghost who is observing the freaks in my little hell hole of a world.

You may want to stop reading this and think about your happy wonderful lives as a Normal, but I know you can’t. My life is too far interesting to turn your back on.  You can look at your boring, challenging, unimportant lives and wonder, “Why do I wake up in the morning? Why do I care about the world? Why do I care about my job? Why do I care that I live for day to day?”

Yes, I know you are thinking it. See, you don’t know, I can be looking at you right now. Do you see eyes looking back at you?  You do know who I am and what I look like? I can be anything in your space, I can even be the air your breath.

Do you feel something looking at you? I do see you, but you can’t see me? Can you feel me, feel my presence. I know, you feel me.  I see it.

Be still right now.  Yes, stay still.  See with your mind, not your eyes. Eyes have a way of deceiving people. The most brainless, foolish and ignorant people only see with their eyes, but the most intellectual, clever and high level people can see clear without sight.

Now, do you feel me? Do you feel my breath? Do you feel my presence? Just relax. Just relax and let your body drift off to a peaceful land, where you most desire and want to belong too, as if you are in a drug state place in your mind. Yes, just relax. Do you feel me now? Do you feel my warmth? Do you feel my eyes? Do you feel my spirit? I know you do. I know because I see you.

Call out to my name: Spirit, Spirit, Spirit, Spirit.  Call out to me and I will protect you. I will be your protector, your helper, your friend and your guide.  I am always willing to help out a new friend.  So call my name over and over again, and I will be there.  I will be your guide to the world beyond this one.

So join me and let me be one with you.  Let me enter and I will give you a world of peace and love without pain and sorrow.  Be like me, a wild spirit who can do anything and be anything. I know you want to be me, so let me into your soul and we will be one.

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