These Scares Can’t Heal
By Rebecca
My birth was damned as if God cursed me himself with the middle finger and the number 666 craved into my forehead; for the world see.
God said, “Look at this nigga child being born. May she live in pain and suffering”.
As I looked at the ceiling for the first time, I knew, my life will be a God Damned one. My life is still damned and I am still a slave in my own mind, heart and body. God Damned him. There is no God, only Satan.
Everyone who is living is a Satan to some degree. Yeah, I said it. I hate God and hate man. I hate people and above all, I hate myself for putting myself in this position. If I knew better, I would have killed myself or had my master hung me during one of those picnics the family always had.
I was born and raised in slavery. This is my story. My name is Rebecca and I am a damn Shadow Creature, who have to take orders from a spoiled white damn woman who I wish I can slap the skin off of her bones.
Yeah, what, I have hate in my bones and I’m about to explode. Yeah, hate makes me want to live and breath the air I hate. I hate air, I hate life, I hate who I am, I hate living and I only care for dying.
I want to die. I have tried so many times to die. I walked through fire, hit by lighting, stabbed, hung and I even took my heart out. I am here to tell you, I am still alive, like a ghost without any reason to live.
I am happy for my husband and my children, but still I want to die. All the troubles and heartache I went through in life seems to have no meaning or power, just experiences to trust no one, but myself.
I don’t know my papa or my mama, I was born an animal that could have been hunted and eaten like a chicken. I was less then a chicken. Shit, chickens had more rights to live than I did. I was a black piece of nothing who was whipped and raped almost everyday. I was whipped and raped so many times that it became entertainment to me or something to pass the time.
Yeah, I was an animal and now I am a God-like animal. If the Buddha shit that Clive keeps talking about is true, Karma is a bitch and I must have paid for my sins a trillion times over and over. Like, I was born in hell and I am Satan mistress.
I was born into slavery in the Old South of Virginia. As the history books will say, I was born in a state named after the Virgin Queen Elizabeth I. I was born on a large Plantation next to the water in Jamestown, near the Indians.
The Whites and the Indians always had the hate and love relationship. The Indians wanted to be like the Whites and Whites wanted to have the Indians land. It was such a crazy mess.
Those Red Skins did have there own slaves, just they those nasty disgusting white people from the Old South. The Red Skins treated there slaves “a little better”, a term I will say loosely.
Born in a worn down white brick one room slave hut with one bed for 6 people to share as if we were animals, caged for work and entertainment. During my years on the plantation, I wanted to be chicken. Being a chicken, I will have a good life, no responsibilities and I will be killed when my time has arrived. Yeah, that is a good life.
When I was 5 years old, all I knew was, I was owned by Master Meekins from the Meekins Plantation; which grew cotton and tobacco. Master Meekins was an evil man who love children, specialty me. I gave birth to his white nasty daughter. Yeah, I hated my first child, I admitted. She was born when I was 10 years old. I raised her a little and then by the Master’s family. That bitch turned on me when she was youngin, I was her slave. I tried to tell her the truth about her birth and the bitch slap the black off of me.
So funny, that same bitch, my first daughter saw me before she died. She believed me and then shot her nasty ass self. She rather died then be a daughter of a nigga. She was only 60 years old. Spirit met her. They had few choice words.
My first daughter almost had a heart attack when she saw me. I still looked young and fit. She looked like a nasty ass spoiled child who needed to eat. She kept her mind her in the pass and she never wanted to move in the present. Still with the slavery thing and thinking she is better than gold. Telling her she is black, put the nail in her coffin.
One thing though because of the Master lust me, I was never sold. I stayed on that nasty plantation until I ran away to the North. Let me tell you, it was not easy and maybe there is a God because I survived.
One night, I was gang raped for the last time. I was switched from sons, daughters, uncles, mothers and fathers; even my first born fucked me. When they had there fun, I was sore, whipped, choked and my spirited died inside of me. Hate entered into my bones like a raging fire and I wanted to kill them all. I wanted make them suffer as I suffered, but I just left as if I was just a normal prostitute.
I didn’t care if dogs and men with guns will chase me, I didn’t care. I was nothing. I was hollow. I was the walking dead. I just walked away, ran, slept in the woods and eat off the land. I survived until I met the demon of lust.
In New York, it was not like it is today. New Yorkwas country and retarded. I didn’t know what was worst, The Southern or The Northern. At lest, The South love slavery in the open, as the Northern jackasses love slavery behind close doors.
I met my demon on his land. The Eric Saxton Land; which is now Garden City,New York. This Long Island shares itself with Brooklyn and Queens.
The Eric Saxton Land was large and lush. He had a shed in on the land and I didn’t care what it looked like. To me, it was home. My home. But, of course God made him find me.
From that day and on, I wish, he could have shot me through the heart, than to make me raised his spoiled nasty white children. Well, I can’t hate all of them. Clive was my favorite and still is. He was always a sweet boy who turned into a man of substance and crazy. Erika is still a hard cold stone bitch. Merlin is still a nerd and needs to please everyone. Bryan is still a loner and Elisabeth is a spoiled nut case. Elisabeth always claimed to be Queen Elizabeth I from the time she was born and Erika hated the claim.
One thing, I can say, making love for the first time was amazing and I am so happy it was with Eric. He made me feel like a woman, a person, a human, a Queen from a wealthy country. I felt so special in his arms that it melted away all the pain from my childhood. I wanted to be like him and then I became like the family.
My first kill was of a man white. Down to this day, white meat is so nasty, dry and boring. So, yeah, I have eaten humans. No, I am no longer an animal, but a monster.
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