NINETEEN – The Saxton Family Secrets

The BIG event was THE BIG EVENT and my mother made it clear that her children were royalty.

The night had to be perfect even down the food.  My mouth was salivating as I dreamt about the deliciousness. I can still taste the forbidden food in my mouth. Its tenderness and unique favor bring out the creature in me.  So moist and juicy, makes me want to crave it every day, but it’s called the forbidden food for a reason.

After my shower, my clothes were laid out on my bed by one of the hired paid staff of the day.  It was beautiful green evening that matched my unique eye color.  It was custom-made for me.

I put on the dress and I saw a warm beautiful breathtaking woman. I did tear up, but I wasn’t done yet.  My mother hired a stylist for my hair and a make-up artist for the big event.  I felt alive for the first time.

I don’t think, I am beautiful because I hate myself. I completely disgusted of myself.  I look like a fat ogre who should be put to sleep.

I sat down on my bed and pray to God above. I wanted to kill the evil inside me.

“God, oh God. I need your strength and your might.   Please help me.  Please protect me. Please love me and make me pure in my heart. I don’t know what to do and I don’t know who I am. Please God, help me. I need you to lead me because I am lost and confuse.  Please, oh Lord, love me. Amen”, I said.

Tears flown down my eyes like a river and my heart sunk into an abyss of the unknown.  I wanted to feel wanted and love; which I lacked.  I wanted to feel, I mattered in this world. I wanted to know, why I felt lost in the darkness without light.

I feel, I’m just a thing on display for the world to see and I don’t know why.  I yearn to have a mother and father to love me.  I yearn to feel like I do matter because still fill empty and hollow.

I heard a knock on the door and I quickly dried my eyes.

“Who is it?” I asked.

“I’m here to put on your make-up and do your hair,” the voice said through the door.

Thought there will be two people, but only the one.

“Come in,” I said.

The door opened and a middle-aged woman stood there with her bag of treats.


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